02 June 2008

"team lift" and male idiocy

What is it about the “team lift” logo on large boxes and assembly directions that makes me such a knucklehead?

I mean, they show two guys lifting the box, using their legs by bending their knees…and it doesn’t inspire me to call a friend or grab a neighbor to help me. I, the male idiot, decide that its not a warning, its a challenge. I think of the two knee-bending jerks on the assembly directions of my IKEA purchase and I start thinking derisive thoughts of them. Wusses. Fairies. I mean, why doesn’t one of them grab a pair of cold ones while the other guy grunts and lifts it by himself.

And this is alarming because it isn’t like me. I like lattes and Gore Vidal. I drink hot tea and I like NPR not NASCAR. I don’t know where anything is at Lowe’s (much less at East Asheville Hardware) and the people there know that I don’t. Those red-vested workers almost laugh at me as I try to explain what I need. So why does every ounce of machismo well up within me when I am encouraged to “team lift”? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m done putting furniture together for awhile – and my back really hurts.


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