07 August 2008

we're all going to die: or how i found donut holes to be exactly like velociraptors

"We’re all going to die."

Usually, that phrase is uttered right before a catastrophic moment in a movie. Aliens are landing, the bomb is being dropped, the infection has mutated, the velociraptors have escaped their paddock…Whatever.

I’m saying it now and this is real life. We’re all going to die.

I just finished half of a “cup” of Krispy Kreme Donut Holes, purchased for $1.79 at my local Exxon. And I think I am dying as I type. I don’t really know why I purchased the donut holes, but I did. And as I was popping one after another in my mouth, I read that the half a cup I just ate contained half of my fat intake for the day. Half. And about 500 calories. And 40 grams of sugar. Gulp.

Don’t get me started on the ingredients, of which there are only about 400.

What have we been doing in our society that made this ok? Who has been asleep at the switch here? Sweet fancy Moses, what is going on?!?!?

I am actually partly amused by this gruesome discovery. I did buy breakfast at the convenience store. And, considering that the “cup o’ holes” fit into my cup-holder, maybe I got exactly what was promised – convenience. I don’t suppose the “Good-For-You Store” has any cup-holder based products at all, much less donuts. So, in the end, I have no one to blame but myself (and whoever was asleep at the switch, of course).

Enjoy your convenient donut holes, everybody. I have a half a cup left for anyone who wants them. Maybe I’ll just add some sugar and creamer and drink ‘em down. After all, we’re all going to die, some of us (especially those of us with donut-bits blocking our arteries) much sooner than others.

I will now go eat a punch-bowl full of spinach.

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