blogging baby burkholder: the surreal beginning

I have been asked by many of you if I'll be blogging when the baby arrives (my wife Stefani is pregnant for those wondering what I am talking about). It turns out I can't even wait until the birth to begin…So, here we go: Beginning today, I will be periodically blogging my way through the final 30 weeks of Stef's pregnancy. For what its worth, here is one husband and future father's perspective…I hope joy is found within.

On Thursday morning, I got my first look at my child. And it was stunning. I don't think I was ready to see what I saw. I don't think I even knew what to expect.

It probably complicated matters that I have spent so many hours futilely reminding Stef of the baby inside of her (as my last resort when trying to ease the pain that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy). I think all of my lame reminders (which are really pointless since I have yet to have success in removing a shooting pain or migraine) really began to numb me to the fact that there was actually a growing child inside of my wife. Familiarity breeds contempt, I guess.

I remember that a few weeks ago, we saw a dot. It was our dot, but it was just a dot. Still, nothing could have really prepared me for seeing our little one actually looking like a child. There was a head and a bum and little legs. He/she was running in place or kicking or something. My Baby Beckham, maybe? I could see the little heart fluttering like a hummingbird inside if the tiny chest cavity. Are you serious? A tiny heart beating within a larger body? What a beautiful picture… The sustained life within held together only by the larger body, by the greater creative force.

Maybe we are all just little hummingbird hearts in the grand scheme of things...

It was surreal. And I was quiet. I watched my precious wife smile, tears welling up in her eyes. I saw the smile of our wonderful doctor and glowing Auntie Katy as they located our little peanut. This must never get old. How could it?

Only hours later, did it begin to impact me. The fluttering heart and scampering legs – they belong to this child of mine. They will soon be thrashing around in a bubble bath or chasing a soccer ball. They might one day walk across a stage or down an aisle. Today, they kicked…and it felt like they did it just for me.

Does He feel like we do it just for Him...

Amazingly, this is only the beginning. This is going to be one incredible journey...