how the dying get drugs and the healthy get dying

The trial of our friend who was recently diagnosed with HIV/AIDS has given us a new insight into how the system here works and why it is so frustrating.

She goes to the hospital every couple of weeks and they do a blood test to find out her level of some cells that are apparently a reliable indicator of health.

The government policy (as agreed to by donor countries like the US) is that only the most critical patients get issued life-prolonging Anti-Retroviral Drugs (ARVs). This is judged by a single number. If your “count” is over 300, you get issued ARVs at no cost. Anything less and you are simply treated for whatever symptoms may arise.



So our friend, a single mother of three young children, goes to the hospital and gets tested. She scores a 270, right on the cusp of being eligible for ARVs. They tell her to come back in two weeks and, irrationally, to hope that her condition has worsened enough to become eligible for drugs.

This week, she returned to the hospital (remember that this is no small task – one must find transportation or make an hour walk and then miss a whole day of work while leaving one’s children unattended all while enduring the small humiliation of admitting to the world again that one is infected) to find that her count had dropped into the low 100s.

She felt no healthier. Her situation had become no less dire. Yet a number says she cannot have ARVs. And in the queue, a man with no family, no dependents, scores a 441 and gets given ARVs.

The problem there is that this man’s health is probably beyond the help of drugs at that point. Yet, he receives them. All the while, relatively healthy people are told to wait until they are deathly ill before they will be given drugs that will come to late to help anyway. All of this on top of the fact that familial situation is not even taken into account.

We’re confronted with AIDS everyday. We are beginning to see all of the little issues that coalesce to make AIDS such an enormous problem.

Tomorrow, we’ll give another.

leaders in need

One of the most common questions we get is "How can I help?"

And we're usually left scratching our heads. Money is useful here. The kids at the squatter camp are always (ALWAYS) hungry. And money can buy more food. But somehow, night falls and the morning comes and the kids are hungry again. It doesn't make feeding them a bad investment, only a difficult thing to ask for help with. There is no satisfaction there.

The church is pretty poor, too. Our Sunday collections usually fall between $200 and $300 dollars. That is supposed to run the place for a week, even though it couldn’t pay a western church's staff for an hour. But God works in beautiful ways and the bills always get paid and the staff always has money for food.

So we sit and wonder. What can we let people help us with? And how can we put that money to a sustainable use, something that will last much longer than a meal or a soccer ball or even a salary?

Then, slowly, we saw the light.

Every Wednesday night, Stef and I each teach a class to the local church members. Stef teaches a music class, teaching folks music theory, how to read music, and the book The Heart of the Artist, all in hopes that they would be able to turn their passion for music into a real, usable skill - useful for personal worship or simple self-esteem. It is a wonderful thing to watch these Africans learn, especially from a teacher as good as Stef and in a subject that they care so deeply about.

I teach 5 young men in a spiritual leadership class. Partly due to political circumstances (apartheid), partly due to cultural circumstances (Africans are very different from westerners), and partly due to a lack of education, there is a HUGE leadership vacuum here. So Pastor Willie hand-picked five of his brightest young men to study with me and hopefully grow enough that they could stand strong as the leaders of the next generation. Currently, we are working through Spiritual Leadership by J.O. Sanders with Bill Hybels' Courageous Leadership to follow. And let me tell you, these guys are so excited. They are eating up the books, coming in with new insights and great questions and an incredible zeal to learn more. Having never had the money to buy themselves study materials, they are discovering the beauty of learning at 24 years old.


On top of all of that, we are taking them all to the Global Leadership Summit in October, where they will get to hear speakers like Jimmy Carter, John Ortberg, Collin Powell, Bill Hybels, and Marcus Buckingham among others.

All of this to say: We need your help. Books are expensive, sometimes double and triple the cost of books in the US. And this leadership conference will cost us as well. Grace Point already generously helped with some of the costs of the leadership conference. We still need another $300 to cover the leadership conference costs (8 of us are going in all) and the books. We've already paid for these things, knowing how important it is for these guys and knowing that God will provide all we need.

All the while, Stef's class of 15 works on one book. We're talking to the author to try to get some donated or discounted, but we will need help in securing them and getting them here. There is always a need...

We feel like this is the best investment we can make in the people here. We are giving them resources that will long outlast us and will satisfy much longer than any meal. We feel like we are equipping and empowering people. If you could only see the light in their eyes as they learn...

If you've been wondering how you can help, we'd like to suggest that this is the way.

You can go to this link Give Online with Grace Point and click on "Other" when given the option, specifying "Kyle & Stef Leadership". They'll know how to get it to us. Or you can send a check to Grace Point Church, 9750 Huebner Road, San Antonio TX 78240 with "Kyle & Stef Leadership" on the memo line.

They send us money direct, with no wire fees and no administration costs. Every cent you give for this comes straight to us to be put to use. Anything over the $300 we are looking for will be used for additional resources... We'll certainly let you know where it goes.

We are praying that this is received well, hopeful that you know how much we value all of you. We are asking for this only because it is so often asked of us. Please give only as you feel led and know that we are sure that God will provide.

Kyle and Stef - None Beyond Redemption, Darkness into Light

the return of the rains

The rains finally came.

Mark it down. It was Wednesday evening, the 26th of September. And the rains finally came.

Thunder cracked and lightning lit up the ominous African sky as the first rains of the spring fell heavily from the sky.

For a moment, I considered the poetic implications of the rains, how maybe God was reminding me that He refreshes in His time.

Then it hit me. The sky darkened in the late afternoon. The air then cooled and the rains came only a few hours later. Andre passed away in the late afternoon. Only then, as a cool wind blew through the room where Andre breathed his last, did the merciful skies open up and release their bounty.

I had been so consumed with my own “dry season” that I had failed to recognize that Andre was walking through quite his own desert. Only upon that recognition did I finally open up to the perspective that God had for me. The real dry season was not mine and the suffering and difficulty that I had was nothing compared to that of my friend. And I could not see that at his bedside as he was writhing in pain. I could only see that in the way that the puddles formed, in the simple sounds that came with the changing atmosphere.

I don’t really believe that the rain fell for Andre, although I do find the association to be quite beautiful. Bedridden for weeks, I can only assume that he is as refreshed as the parched earth in the presence of his Creator. I don’t think the rain was the tears of God falling with the tears of those of us who loved him. But I do find the timing comforting.

Wednesday night, lying in bed, listening to the rain fall melodically on the tin roof, I could only think that Andre had finally been delivered from his season of misery and confusion. Left in his place was a simple reminder that we all have dry seasons. And that, in the hands of the Almighty, there is always an appointed time for the rains to return.

andre's story

We’ve lost our friend Andre. He died Wednesday afternoon and, honestly, this is the most painful loss yet.

Pastor Willie felt a need to visit Andre on Wednesday morning, so Stef and I went along to see our friend. It was the third time we’d been to see him since his cancer had struck back in such a way that he could no longer get out of bed.

We stared at his enormous body, rendered almost skeletal by the disease that had spent the last 3 years consuming him from the inside out. He struggled to speak, almost unable to force words out of his dry, cracked lips. The pain was too great. He managed to sit up for a moment, long enough to meet our eyes and produce one of the greatest, most heartfelt smiles I have ever been given access to.

As he eased himself back into the bed, wincing at the pain from the dozens of tumors residing in his lungs and liver, he closed his eyes slowly. I thought, for just a moment, that he was leaving us, leaving the pain. He opened them again after a second and gave us another feeble smile. Andre always smiled, even in the greatest pain. He had a reason to.

You see, Andre Vogel lived an incredible life. Andre found himself, in his early twenties living life as a narcissistic health-nut, a teetotaler who wouldn’t even drink caffeine between his six weekly workouts. Somewhere along the away, he got mixed up with a woman who he sincerely calls a witch. Within days of meeting her, he was addicted to cocaine and “deeply involved” with the criminal underworld. He began using his considerable size by working as a bouncer at a nightclub. He also began running drugs through the place, working for a syndicate (like the South African version of the mafia) and using his newfound wealth to pay off the top police officials in the area.

Becoming increasingly involved in the drug world, he found himself taking increasingly large amounts of drugs only to find his depression increasing in equal measure. Eventually, the syndicate trusted him with even more important duties, among them several contract murders. He carried out with cold-blooded precision, simultaneously reaching his spiritual and emotional low-point.

He went into hiding from the cops who weren’t on his payroll and from the syndicate, as he considered leaving the whole lifestyle. Under the influence of “ridiculous amounts of ecstasy”, he stumbled into a church one night. He doesn’t remember hearing much, until after the service an elderly woman he’d never met came and spoke a little bit of love and encouragement into his life. The basic message was that he was alive for a reason and that God had a purpose for him. She never knew what those words meant.

Andre prayed that night that drugs would release their hold on him. Waking up the next day, he was miraculously free of years of drug addiction. His next step was even bolder. He walked into a police station and confessed every crime he could remember.

Eventually, he was sentenced to a lengthy prison term for a murder he committed. Once in prison, he began sharing his conversion and God’s love. He escaped over half a dozen assassination attempts in prison, which he presumed were a case of the syndicate trying to wipe out a former member whose loyalties had changed to radically for anyone’s comfort.

He became a valuable member of the World Hope Prison Ministry, working from the inside to help a ministry that has reached over 10,000 with discipleship materials and spiritual rehabilitation.

Almost three years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. Still in prison, he went through a grueling battery of surgeries and treatments. The cancer fought back harder than the treatments and faster than the surgeries and eventually doctors told him that there was no use fighting the disease anymore.

Andre was released early this year into the care of his mother on medical parole, a move of mercy from the Department of Corrections, usually ignited by a doctors opinion that prisoner was dying soon and needn’t die in prison. Not long after he got out, he recovered amazingly, working in the church with Pastor Willie and leading a small group from another church. He repeatedly disproved doctors who told him he had days or weeks to live. Over and over, he outlived projections, causing one doctor to nickname him “dead man walking.” He smiled so broadly every time he came back from a doctor’s visit, laughing at the latest forecasts of his demise.

Now in his early thirties, Andre prayed quietly one night, telling God that he longed for the things that free men take for granted. He asked God for a place to live (outside of his mother’s apartment) and a car to allow him to experience the freedom of the open road. That week, two people from his small group took him aside. One told Andre that he felt the need to give him a large house in Joburg’s western suburbs. The other told him that he wanted to buy Andre a car...now-and they left to go to the auto lot.

We met Andre when we met in July. (I had known him only through emails in 2004). He was always smiling, telling people how great life was and how incredible his God was. He would occasionally miss days at work as the pain began to grow. Still he would arrive again, smiling... always smiling.

The last day we saw him, we walked onto his property, past his gifted car and into his gifted house. There he lay, deteriorating. Yet when he opened his eyes, they were bursting with life, as alert as a child’s. And he continued to smile, telling us that God would take him when He was good and ready. He told us that he would be ready whenever that day came. We cried as we prayed with him, our hands on his scarred and tumor-infested body. We cried as we wondered if his day would be coming soon. For him and his suffering, it could not come soon enough. We dried up our tears as best we could and before we left, I snuggled up close to my friend Andre. I don’t have much experience with last words...so I spoke my heart.

“Andre, God has given you an incredible story and I promise that I will tell as many people as I give for His glory. Your life will live on long after you go. Keep trusting. I love you so much and I hope I get to visit you again soon.”

Andre smiled so nicely, his eyes trying to tell mine that my tears were appreciated. I think they were trying to tell me that he loved me too.

I never got to visit Andre again. I praise God for him, though.

Above all things, Andre would want you to know that God is faithful. And that God, and God alone, saved him. He would tell you that no one is beyond God’s reach and that no one is beyond redemption. Then, in case you didn’t believe him, he would invite you to sit and he would tell you his story. I’m sure he would smile the whole way through. I’d like to think that, today, free from pain, his smile has never been brighter.

Please pass this along to someone. Help me keep my promise to Andre.

i chose you (new podcast)

Today, Stef and I are sharing another song with you.

I wrote it last night and then rested on Stef to help clean it up and keep me from breaking too many musical laws. :)

I tried to post a chart, but I don't quite know how to do that. If we figure it out, I'll put it up there - if not I can email one to anyone who might want it...

Our Podcast - I Chose You

I Chose You

by Kyle and Stefani Burkholder

(Capo 7th - Gno3, Cadd9, Em7, D throughout)

You are
Who I AM
And i am
Perfectly yours

For what can i say
What did i do
I hear you so clearly
I chose you

I chose you

You make
No mistakes
And You make
The wheat and the tares

For who can resist
Who can undo
I hear You so clearly
I chose you

I chose you

Hold me
I love You
Scold me
I love You
Whisper
I love You
I hear You
I love You

I chose You

Thank You

one life, one lifetime

For today's post, we wanted to share one of our favorite blogs.



Our Pastor in San Antonio, Jeff Harris, has a blog that we find ourselves checking every chance we get. It's called "One Life, One Lifetime"...

Here's the link: One Life, One Lifetime - Jeff Harris' Blog

It's usually short so it's a quick read. But it's also usually something that sticks in your mind for the day - something that makes you think.

We hope you'll enjoy it as much as we do.

a gift from god

Walking home from lunch on Sunday, we ran into a guy we help from time to time. He hangs around the shopping center near the house and is never shy about asking for small change.

This particular instance, we took a minute to stop and talk with him. His name is Gift. He is a pretty nice fellow, just doesn’t have much, you know?

I asked him where he stayed and he pointed over to a pretty nice white house down the road. Why, if he stays there does he come and beg me for small change every day, I wondered… He must have seen the puzzled look in my eyes, so he explained.

“There is a little space behind that white house, a little bit of grass between the fence and the alley. A lot of us sleep there.”

Oh. Humbled.

He said, “Don’t you have anything for me today, boss?”

I told him that I didn’t have anything today. He told me that he understood. He asked if maybe next time I walk by if I wouldn’t mind dropping off some used clothes for him, maybe a shirt. His shirt did look worn out.

Then he really caught me…

“You know, boss, I know that when you have something you give it to me. And I know that when the time is right you’ll have a shirt for me or maybe some coins. You always do.”

What a picture of what God must yearn to hear from us.

Gift almost dances for joy when I give him a couple of dollars. Gift smiles even on the days when I have nothing to give him – which means that he really has nothing. And, I believe, that when he lays his head on the beaten down grass behind the white house next to the alley, he is hopeful that tomorrow might bring favor to him.

Gift is like a walking Psalm. I can hear him as the Psalmist now:

“Even when you withhold your favor, I will wait in anticipation for the day when Your blessings rain down on me again. Even when my cup is empty, I will praise You for You are fullness enough for me. And when the day comes when You again choose to let Your grace fall on me, I will dance with joy for I will have seen the face of God.”

I never thought much of giving to Gift. But through Him, God has shown me a beautiful picture of what a cheerful receiver looks like. I have seen a beautiful heart, expectant of God’s goodness and joyful even in lack. I have seen the heart of a man that I hope I can learn to be more like.