14 August 2008

olympic observations

A few observations from the Olympics (thanks to Dr. Impelman for the inspiration):

- How many "national celebrities" are the announcers going to tell us about from the different diving teams? Am I really supposed to believe that a diver from Canada gets recognized on the street or gets preferential treatment at local restaurants?

- Speaking of diving, why is Nancy Grace doing the commentary? Could she be more ruthless?

- And while we're on diving, am I the only one that is a little bit uncomfortable that they have showers and a hot tub?

- Do all of the references to Chinese athletes being "disciplined" strike anyone else as veiled military threats against the rest of the world? Do we realize that they could lose 300 MILLION people in a battle and still have 1 BILLION people to throw at us?

- Why do the competitors in judo wear bathrobes?

- I think we all noticed that China robbed a third grade class of its best athletes for its gymnastics squad... Let's move on.

- Has anyone seen a shot of Bob Costas where he didn't have smog hanging thickly behind him? Is that OK?

- There should be a mandatory punch-in-the-gut for whoever gets the silver medal. Does the winner of silver ever look satisfied?

- Can we go ahead and give Michael Phelps every medal ever created? I think he just won the rights to my unborn daughter in the 400 meter butterfly.

- Why hasn't NBC shown more of the steeplechase? I demand steeplechase!

- And why hasn't NBC mentioned Russia crushing Georgia in battle? Did Russia know that war isn't an Olympic event? Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room on that one? They invaded a neighbor this week!! Ya, America has no room to talk since we are still "helping" Iraq, but if this kind of stuff flies in the international community, I really think Vancouver and Toronto would make fabulous US cities. Anyone with me?

- The US men's soccer team lost to Nigeria and has to go home early. The Nigerian team had superior motivation - the team gets to eat as long as they keep winning.

- How many Olympic-ring tattoos have you seen? Like, a million?

- Is there a way to watch an entire swimming competition from underwater? I think that would be much more fun.

- Anyone besides me see the Brenden Fraser mummy movie trailer? At least his work is varied...

- There are a lot of empty seats at some of these Olympic events. Did somebody say that China has 1.3 BILLION people? Do you think maybe they would like to watch the games? Aren't some warm bodies better than empty seats?

- At the risk of being wildly unpopular, I would like to say that beach volleyball is exceedingly boring and a lame excuse to show women in bikinis.

- Can we just stop with the "Redeem Team"?

- Am I the only person who could do with a few less "inspirational" backstories? I must say, though, that I did like that the African-American swimmer (which one, you ask...the only one) almost drowned when he was five years old. Makes sense that he would be an Olympic swimmer.

- Finally, why can't they televise the Special Olympics or the Paralympics? I would watch those backstories and actually be inspired. I would cheer and weep and be thrilled for every last athlete. And they would deserve every last bit of my applause. But I guess those athletes won't wear bikinis.


  1. you know, a few of these observations are gold. i had tossed on the opening ceremonies on tivo last night, and wanted a way to turn the painfully retarded commantary of those two wankers off and just enjoy the show.

    i object to the beach volleyball - i watched a great game between the US and Latvia the other day which really changed my perception of the sport.

    the showers after the swimming made us joke about that "Micheal Phelps locker room camera" as well... though the underwater camera bit would be sweet!

  2. Undoubtedly. I didn't mention that they were drunk when they hit the cow so they had to wait until morning to be sober enough to report the accident to the police. I never heard of the steeplechase until you linked it yesterday, now I really want to see it! The mystery of the showering divers is found here at a new great Olympics review site I found today: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/The-mystery-of-the-showering-divers?urn=oly,100472
    By the way, what part of Joburg did ya'll live in while you were here?

  3. Well put Mr. Burkholder! Enjoy it, it only happens every 4 years.

  4. As an Alaskan, I have long been an advocate of silently annexing Canada. With 1.4x the US land mass and less people than Illinois, surely something can be worked out?

    Michael Phelps proves why X-Men has it all wrong - we do love our mutants!

    It is amazing that the Georgia-Russia thing is being treated like a side room spat not worthy of broadcast mention...yet Iraq was almost disqualified in competing as a nation this year? I'm just glad the cold war ended...these warmer wars are much more civilized.

    Be grateful volleyball has yet to experience any wardrobe malfunctions. Reinforces my platform question of why racquetball is excluded from the olympics!

  5. That pic of W is making me laugh and I don't know why!